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February 17, 2014, 2:05 PM

Ouch! You're Hurting Me--7 Parenting No-No's

All the wisdom and love in the world doesn’t necessarily protect us from parenting in ways that hold our children back from thriving, gaining independence and becoming the leaders they have the potential to be. Sometimes in our efforts to provide and protect, we are actually hindering our kids from becoming the leaders God created them to be.  In the words of Dr. Tim Elmore, “Care enough to train them [our kids], not merely treat them to a good life. Coach them, more than coddle them.” I encourage you to read the short article, by clicking on the link:   


7 Damaging Parenting Behaviors that Keep Kids from Growing Into Leaders

  1. We don’t let our children experience risk.

  2. We rescue too quickly.

  3. We rave too easily.

  4. We let guilt get in the way of leading well.

  5. We don’t share our past mistakes.

  6. We mistake intelligence, giftedness and influence for maturity.

  7. We don’t practice what we preach.

How can parents move away from these negative behaviors (without having to hire a family therapist to help)?

Here’s a start:

  1. Talk over the issues you wish you would’ve known about adulthood.

  2. Allow them to attempt things that stretch them and even let them fail.

  3. Discuss future consequences if they fail to master certain disciplines.

  4. Aid them in matching their strengths to real-world problems.

  5. Furnish projects that require patience, so they learn to delay gratification.

  6. Teach them that life is about choices and trade-offs; they can’t do everything.

  7. Initiate (or simulate) adult tasks like paying bills or making business deals.

  8. Introduce them to potential mentors from your network.

  9. Help them envision a fulfilling future, and then discuss the steps to get there.

  10. Celebrate progress they make toward autonomy and responsibility.

Again, I encourage you to read the brief article.  From my 20 years of experience in Post-Secondary and K-12 education, I can tell you Dr. Elmore’s words are right on.    

Shaping hearts & Minds,

Dr. Chris

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